A LifeSpan Full of Boredom
by MarvelousMonster
Summary: Sometimes Mai wonders if it is possible to fall in love completely out of boredom; if her childish crush was just a way to bring some drama and excitement in her otherwise blank life.


**The Chase & Return to Omashu**

Mai is bored. It comes as no surprise, seeing as she is bored most of the time. She fights the urge to sigh for the fifths time during the last two hours. They have been tracking the Avatar for about a week now, but with little progress. At first, the chase seemed to be a nice change from a monotonous and uneventful life in Omashu. But as the days pass, the routine starts to catch up with her, proving this journey to be as exciting as the earth kingdom province's affairs were. Mai spares a brief glance at Azula. Her face determined and alert, princess appears to be waiting impatiently for her lieutenant's next report. Beside her, Ty Lee is swinging on what looks like a horrendous version of a chandelier.

May watches her for a while, but then turns away, beginning to feel seasick. She looks out the narrow window, ingrained deeply in the layers and layers of steel. Rapidly changing landscape on the other side of the window's thick glass does not vary too much - hills and trees, trees and hills - it is almost as bad as Ty Lee's swinging; Mai closes her eyes tiredly. The Earth Kingdom provides no relief to her boredom whatsoever. This brings her thoughts back to Omashu.

Recently re-instated as New Ozai, Omashu is an extraordinarily boring city. Everything about it is bleak and dull and lazy. In fact, Mai can't remember being more bored in her whole life as she was in Omashu. And she is not the one to brag how exciting her life was before - simply because it never was. In fact, Mai can even recall a few instances when splitting her throat open with a silver fork (a family heirloom) seemed more acceptable and definitely more thrilling than sitting in her vast room for at least two hours more. Still, Omashu beats it all.

Population of once the second biggest city in the Earth Kingdom consists now mostly of women, kids and elderly – all men capable of carrying a weapon were gone long before the Fire Nation assault or taken into custody. Yet, except women looking more watchful, their eyes tired and marked by deep shadows, sure signs of the apparent lack of sleep and constant worrying, people looked strangely unfazed by the recent overthrow of the government. True, other than the city name, the fire nation invasion didn't change much in Omashu's daily order: a few guards were lazing around here and there, most of them sleeping on their duty, the earth kingdom emerald-green posters were replaced with red ones, and one relatively sane fire nation governor instead of the king gone mad, but still, Mai expected more resistance.

She remembers feeling disappointed when nobody tried to throw rocks at them while they were walking through the city. Does every Fire Nation takeover looks like this? A bunch of helpless women and a crazy king surrendered willingly to the great and mighty Fire Nation – this, no doubt, will be mentioned as a glorious victory in her father's memoirs. So life in Omashu went on, dull and slow, as it was before the invasion. Until…. well, until Azula decided to pay a friendly visit.

"Trading a powerful, Earthbending king for a two-year-old doesn't seem to be a fair trade, does it Mai?"

It, Mai realizes now, was a test. Would she choose her brother's safety over her princess's orders? Apparently, Mai made a right choice. Otherwise, she wouldn't be here. Mai didn't share any significant or even warm attachment with Tom-Tom. The day he was "kidnapped", she actually felt thankful because, Agni knows, she would have thrown the wretched thing out of the balcony herself if he hadn't left her alone. However, annoying or not, he is still her little brother and, to her utter dismay, she discovered then that she didn't want him to get hurt. So Mai made her choice, and Azula seemed to be satisfied with it.

What Azula didn't know is that rumours of the Avatar's return reached Omashu long before her own arrival. May is no fool. She can put two and two together and she can recognize an airbender when she sees one. And killing innocent babies didn't seem like something the little bold monk and a destined savior of the world would do. He has an image to keep up, after all. Still there was a fair amount of risk to Tom-Tom, Mai promised to never ever think badly about him again. Since that time Mai has secretly taken pleasure in disobeying Azula's orders. "But…"

She has never got to finish this thought because one breathless officer on the edge of the heart attack chose this moment to barge in – the Avatar have finally been spotted.

Azula herself goes for the main prize and _orders _them to go for the avatar's little friends. When Mai and Ty Lee finally catch up with them, they are slow and exhausted. It doesn't take much to bring them down. Victory is fast and boring, and Mai doesn't hesitate to tell them so. However, she doesn't get time to gloat. One second later she discovers herself in the middle of the river, struggling to stay afloat under the weight of her wet clothes.

She can't help but find it ironic.

**The Drill & Appa's Lost Days**

One more time surrounded by layers of steel and iron, confined within one more hideous, yet deadly Fire Nation machine, Mai is left with nothing to do, but examine all chinks and crevices of her unyielding boredom. "May be life just isn't as fun as people make it out to be," she thinks dully. They are about to conquer the last great Earth Kingdom stronghold, the impenetrable city. One would find this exciting, but is it really? Her teachers in the Royal Fire Academy for Girls always painted the scenes of battlefields and Fire Nation Victories in bright colours. Now Mai finds their descriptions exaggerated, to put it mildly. She is in the middle of fighting for the greater good and is as bored as ever. Of course, there is always a possibility that Mai is just a boring person, a very frightening possibility.

Mai tries to think of somebody who doesn't seem to suffer from a constant boredom. Ty Lee doesn't count. Sit her in front of a mirror and she'll be amused for hours. Azula's idea of fun consists mostly of two things: one was torturing her brother and the other - shooting lightening in random unsuspecting targets. With Zuko gone, Azula has fully concentrated on the lightning. Mai has to admit, as barbaric as it seemed, it actually was fun. However, she got bored of it eventually. Zuko… May be, it's better to think about something else, after all.

**The Crossroads of Destiny & Going Home Again**

A set-up date. As if prancing around, painted like some freaky clown, a ran-away from circus, was not humiliating enough. Ty Lee giggles behind the bushes, and Mai downs yet another glass of a fine Earth Kingdom wine. This, of course, is all Azula's doing, a payback for letting the Earth King's bear go without a fight. Mai wonders briefly if all Earth Kingdom rulers are insane and if it has anything to do with constant boredom – who knows, maybe if she spends a bit more time with earthbenders, she'll start talking to the bears too. Zuko shifts nervously, turning away from her. He tries to keep her from looking at his face, she guesses, and seeing as Zuko glances away yet again, she is probably right.

Is he conscious about his scar? Was he anxious to meet her? Because she was, she spent many nights and days trying to imagine the skin on his cheek scorched and distorted, his left eye permanently reduced to an angry slit. She spent months, starring at the painted ceiling of her bedroom; months, fighting hot tears which ran down her cheeks and not knowing that she was crying over the exiled prince's ruined face. She spent years waiting for this smouldering feeling to fade away, and now it's back again and it's burning.

She was anxious before, but she is curious now, and when he finally gathers enough strength to look her in the eye, she doesn't see the scar.

His eyes are gold and unafraid, and now Mai is angry. She is angry because he tried to spare her – he doubted her, and though Mai wasn't sure of herself either, it's his doubt that hurts the most. They continue to stare at each other in an awkward silence - one surprised and one hurt, both uncomfortable and uncertain of what to do next. One "inconspicuous" giggle later, Zuko snaps and there is no use in pretending that their oh-so-smart matchmakers are not hiding in the near-by bushes, so they take off for a walk around Ba Sing Se, but Mai has a subtle feeling that Azula got what she wanted in the end.

Sometimes Mai wonders if it is possible to fall in love completely out of boredom; if her childish crush was just a way to bring some drama and excitement in her otherwise blank life. And sometimes she wonders if her parents planned this; if all this is a result of her father's political foresight and her mother's impeccable social skills. Yet, even after three years, the feeling is still there, burning and unsure of itself.

Even though Mai can definitely see the advantages her parents would gain from her close friendship with the future fire lord, she highly doubts that her little crush has anything to do with their ambitions. Mai knows that her father is as blind as a badgermole when it comes to political scheming - how he ended up in his current position is beyond her, and her mother's social skills are hugely overrated and go no further than gathering gossip about the royal family.

It is nice to have something to herself.

Mai blames the wine. Obviously, it's because of the wine, she suddenly feels so light-headed. Mai blames Zuko. This new Zuko reminds her too much of the old Zuko - a lot has changed since the days when she used to throw mud in his face, but not everything.

So she kisses him while she probably shouldn't have, but she does, and she knows that this is not how it supposed to be, but she tries and convinces herself that it doesn't matter. Alcohol in her blood does nothing to comfort her, and despite her blurred vision Mai is painfully sober. All she knows, she knows from rumours, and they weren't particularly detailed and gave no clear instructions. Or maybe she weren't paying attention that she should have. Her teachers in the Royal Fire Academy for Girls didn't bother to elaborate on the subject either, that is very inconsiderate of them, and Mai regrets not reading anything on the matter, but doubts it would change much - wise book with their soothing words are overrated, anyway. And then the kiss ends, as abruptly as it has started, and it's awkward in way that – she is sure – will make it endearing in a years to come.

**The Beach**

"You are just a big blah!"

The words are said and it's impossible to take them back. And though the intent behind them is no secret, it doesn't make them any less sincere. They are meant to hurt and they do. Mai discovers that truth stings is not just a figure of speech – something definitely stings behind her eyes, and it takes all of her noble upbringing to calm her voice before she finally answers.

We didn't last a week, she thinks and the stinging behind her eyes becomes unbearable. It isn't the end of the world, but it is far more painful than she thought it would be. Three years against one week. Was it even worth it?

But by the end of the day the peace is made, and Mai is stricken with a sudden realization: it took them only a week to grow from "I don't hate you" to "I care about you".

**The Boiling Rock**

The palace is in complete and utter disarray, its long dark high-ceiling passageways filled with whispered rumours to the brim; guards and servants running everywhere, their faces nervous and fearful. Mai is strongly _advised_ to return to her apartments until everything settles down.

So she comes back to her room, as she has been told to, only to discover a letter on her bed.

They say there's a first time for everything - the former Fire Nation prince, and now a full-blown traitor has left her - and so Mai waits, she waits and waits, but tears never come. She searches carefully, but there is not an ounce of grief or sadness to be found within her body. There is a strange sense of déjà vu, but other than that – there is nothing.

Another day brings another letter. This one is from her mother. The wife of New Ozai's Governor is concerned with her daughter's well-being; she feels obligated to remind Mai that under no circumstances she is to contact Zuko or even as much talk about him if not asked directly by Fire Lord Ozai himself. Her mother hopes Mai understands the weight Zuko's treason placed on her shoulders - her father's career is at stake and nothing less than _perfect_ behavior is expected from her. Her mindless infatuation with the former fire prince will, _most certainly_, pass soon. "Nothing less than perfect," Mai thinks. Was she too hasty to exclude her parents' role in her "mindless infatuation with the former fire prince"? There is still no tears, no regret; there is emptiness, but there is no loss. There is nothing, nothing at all. Mai doesn't leave her room for the next few days.

The idea of being used doesn't deter Mai in the slightest. She is _used_ to _being used_, after all. Her little breakdown on the Ember Island proves nothing. What's so difficult about not being able to do what you want if in return you can have almost anything, anything others can only dream of? Being a tool sounds much worse than it really is. And Mai has always been a tool, a perfect tool. What was her friendship with Fire Nation Princess if not a fabulous opportunity for her father's plummeting carrier? What was her childish romance with Zuko if not another hundred of acres added to family's estate? Wasn't she a perfect lure for Azula to bring her indecisive brother back to his father's waiting hands?

Her parents, her relatives, her teachers, her friends (not that she has any) – every single one of them used her, and not too subtle, to achieve their own goals. Well, Ty Lee never did. But then again, Ty Lee probably thinks of a toothbrush as her friend. There is one more person though, but unfortunately, it is the very same person Mai desperately tries not to think of.

Mai takes long lonely walks through the garden, her boredom back in a full force. Days pass, and she is back in her room again to find yet another letter on her bed.

This time – from her uncle.

There is no regret, no sorrow, no sadness, not that she expects any. Instead of that, there is anger and an unanswered question. Zuko never asked her to go with him, and Mai is left to wonder - would she?

***

His eyes on the other side of the door are hard and unyielding, decision made along ago.

"This isn't about you"

And Mai suddenly realizes that it never was.

Her own eyes watering – yet she'll be damned if she let even one tear fall - she suddenly realizes that he has used her. He had used her as an escape plan. He has used her just like others did. She doesn't care though. She has known it all along. For Zuko is nothing but the true heir to the throne, his nation and his country come before anything else.

The door is open and Mai is free to go. Whether her parents planned for her to fall for the fire lord's heir or not, she has no idea. But if they indeed planned this, they are going to sorely regret it, for their only daughter is about to become a traitor to the Fire Nation.

Funny enough, this isn't about the Fire Nation. This isn't about it, at all.

**Sozin's Comet**

Mai is bored yet again. She is wondering around the palace alone. The Fire Lord is a busy man, and her loneliness tends to make the spaces seem bigger than they really are.

Mai wonders if it is true that people have children out of sheer boredom.


End file.
